Useless Column: ‘All she wanted was a padlock’

A mouse that uses ‘other holes’ instead of digging will meet a snake. Sin fascinates and assassinates! You have more control over your body than you think.

I attended an Easter convention recently. The program was amazing! I sang a song, and people fainted! Why do we want compliments so badly? This explains why we often don’t hear the truth.

There was a white man at the convention. As the MC, I asked him what he liked about Ghana. After hesitating, he said, “Ghana is beautiful. I like your trees; they are standing.”

This response annoyed me more than anything else. People applauded, and I foolishly shouted “Hallelujah!” Everyone screamed “Amen!” Are trees not supposed to be standing? We have a problem!

Ablavi wants too much from me. First, she asked for a 32-inch TV. In this age, people prefer mobile phones as gifts! Can I afford a TV for a relationship that ended 18 years ago?

She believes her investment has matured and wants to collect now. Promiscuity brings problems that may not appear immediately but will come eventually! I told her about my financial struggles, but she didn’t believe me.

Later, she suggested my problems were spiritual. She gave me the contact of a powerful prophet and wanted another jujuman’s number too! Men are suffering! If only we knew where these paths lead us.

It’s surprising how first names become surnames in church settings. Even in small churches! My landlord used to call me Pastor Mawuli; it made me laugh inside.

When Ablavi visited, I locked the door with her inside. I played Beenie Man’s Gospel hit on repeat while pretending to be pious. My landlord thought I loved Gospel music!

Last Saturday at a funeral, I met a pretty young lady who lost her fiancé in an accident. He crashed while overtaking a truck; it was tragic! She lives in an apartment funded by him until June 2025.

This information made me lose interest quickly; my attraction shrank instantly! So, I blocked her on WhatsApp and voice calls.

Two days later, she called from another number complaining about bad network issues. She wanted to see me after work; I agreed! On my way there, I asked what gift she wanted.

Her answer shocked me: all she wanted was a padlock! A padlock??? Confused, I made a U-turn and burnt my clutch trying to process this request.

I offered to send her money for it instead; surprisingly, she insisted that I buy it myself—the thick black one with four keys!

Do I need to ask what she needs it for? When women say they have problems they can’t solve, just pretend you didn’t hear them and run away!

Remember that girl who took my money at Community 150 without letting me ‘eat’? When we finally agreed to meet up, she canceled because “Kotorkor” was playing!

Even if Liverpool were playing today, we would still go out together! For four months, I paid her GHC300 monthly—totaling GHC1,200—and thought it wasn’t small money!

She once ate fried rice while leaving me with kenkey and pepper. When asked why I wasn’t eating fried rice, my excuse was cholesterol concerns—it was all lies!

After eating at my place once, she left the rice pack in my car. My wife found it the next day and questioned its presence under my seat.

I explained that collecting used food packs is part of keeping our city clean as citizens—she believed me completely!

My wife even asked why communal labor isn’t done anymore; those days were fun at Kisseman!

Now we engage in reverse-communal labor by dumping rubbish everywhere—we’re all guilty of this behavior!

Some behaviors discourage me from continuing immoral ways—shouldn’t I stop until 2026? Losing that Community 150 girl to someone rich cost me stress and pain.

I feel like crying but remember that it's my fault too! Flee from sin because it fascinates but ultimately destroys—temporary enjoyment leads to long-term consequences.

Have a nice weekend! Remember not everything should be taken seriously—it shall be well with you—life happens!